I am not the epitome of luck, but I am the epitome of blessed.
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It has been exactly one month since I left Charlotte, NC in my rearview mirror. Also behind me are Concord, Belmont, Mooresville, Ranlo, and Pineville/Matthews. I’m referring to my 3 months in the big city as “The Summer of Charlotte” because a life experience like that simply requires its own title. Yet I’ve had even more life altering changes happening since returning to my home state. Meanwhile. So what’s happened this month?
Meanwhile.I didn’t expect to have free time on my hands, but I did. Dropping out of grad school wasn't in the plan either, but I did that too. When I was offered this job, it felt like God's way of saying 'You don't have to know the plan. Just trust what's in front of you.' I felt a bit convicted because I honestly never wanted to go to grad school. I just had nothing else in front of me. I wrote it into my own plan because I wasn't trusting God to present a different opportunity. So I withdrew from classes. I wish I could tell you interesting ways I’ve spent all of that free time... A whole month of it. I’ve only painted a handful of times. I’ve gone running 2 or 3 times. I’ve not learned how to cook. I haven’t worked on my tan. I haven’t even bathed my dog since I got home. I’ve only read one book and started another. I’ve been talking to God and listening to Him.. In between the nothing, I’m trying to recover from the summer. There’s nothing wrong with it. I just wish I had more fascinating things to share. Meanwhile. Coming home answered many of my prayers from Charlotte. The familiarity of Ruston and my friends makes me feel safe again. I’m not battling heavy depression or my own thoughts like before. There are fewer temptations and more good influences here. Home really is where the heart is– and now an amazing job opportunity. Meanwhile. So how has my life changed since being home?I have a different vision for my life and future family. I’ve always been a gypsy soul, wanting to experience the whole world before I had to confront who I am. I wanted to live so engulfed in the now that I didn’t want to make a life plan. I wanted to throw a deck of cards in the air, shoot at them, and see how they landed. I wanted to move out and everywhere, in a life of temporary joys before moving to the next thing. Being that way lost me some valuable relationships. I valued the “me and the now” more than the “us and a future”. Lessons learned. After The Summer of Charlotte, I can’t stand the idea of moving constantly, or always looking for the next better opportunity. I want to develop a five year plan and plant myself in God’s will, allowing Him to shape and mold my life for a future family and kids. I still want adventure and spontaneity, but I want to come home and share that with the people I love at the end of the day. I hate some of the things I had to experience to get here. I really hurt some people who may never forgive me. But I was told once, “We’re all the bad guy in someone’s story”, and that can’t help but resonate with me. I just hope those stories find the good guys, to take away whatever damage I caused… Meanwhile. So what now?I still suffer from some lingering anxiety and loneliness. I find it difficult to reflect on the tough moments, because those somber feelings seep back into my heart. Reflecting on the joyful moments carries me through it. I can say without a doubt, some pieces of me are still left in Charlotte– and I don’t just mean my motorcycle. Meanwhile. I could certainly use some prayers as I move forward in my life and career. Being a 21 yr old college graduate is rather confusing, if I may admit. This blog is titled the definition of meanwhile because our lives are all happening at the same time. Meanwhile represents how I feel as these life changes occur. Everything in the world is happening simultaneously, and my life is my own little meanwhile.
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There’s a lot of controversy in America right now about women’s bodies and their choices. No one’s stances really seem that important anymore because you’re either for it or you’re not, right? Well no. There is middle ground and exceptions throughout every opinion. And I’ve never cared to share my own until now. I believe it may offer you a bit of a new perspective.
I’ve seen quotes supporting access to abortion and quotes shaming those in support. I’ve seen love and hate and profile pic borders and protests. There are marches and forums and petitions on either side. Everyone, regardless of political and/or religious beliefs are taking a stance, Republicans to Democrats, Christians to Atheist, and everything in between. So in the most controversial blog of my 21 year life, I’m sharing my stance. And for you to reject or accept it is based only on your own humanness. There may be headlines and parts you don’t like, but stick with me ‘til the end. I know I'm exposing myself to be ripped apart online or through various media, but here it is. P.S. The quotes are included to expose you to differing opinions– not necessarily my own. |